MY LIFE HAS BEEN FILLED WITH PAIN AND THE ENDURANCE OF SUCH IN A QUEST FOR A BETTER FUTURE. THUS FAR EVERY AVENUE AT FIRST SHOWED PROMISE AND JUST WHEN MY HOPES WERE UP THEY WERE DASHED AGAINST THE ROCKS LIKE SO MUCH DEBRIS.
OVER THE LAST YEAR I HAVE EXPERIENCED DOUBT, SADNESS, AND AN OVERWHELMING SENSE OF LOSS. I'VE BEEN ALONE...NOT ONLY PHYSICALLY BUT EMOTIONALLY AS WELL.
I FOUND MYSELF LONGING FOR A REAL FRIEND, A REAL LOVER AND A REAL COMPANION. ONE THAT WOULD LAST AND NOT DISAPPEAR AT THE FIRST SIGN OF TROUBLE, ONE THAT COULD ACCEPT ME FOR WHO AND WHAT I AM AND WHAT I AM BECOMING.
EACH TIME FATE, OR MAYBE IT'S JUST SOME FLAW WITHIN MYSELF THAT KEEPS ME FROM FINDING TRUE PEACE OR SUCCESS. I WONDER HOW MUCH MORE I CAN ENDURE BEFORE I SLIP BENEATH THE DARK WATERS OF DESPAIR AND NEVER SURFACE.
I KNOW TRUTH, I KNOW HONOR, I KNOW SACRIFICE, AND I NO LONGER HAVE GREAT EXPECTATIONS. I WILL CONTINUE TO DO THE BEST THAT I CAN AND HOPE THAT THOSE I TRULY CARE FOR CAN SEE THAT IN ME AND NOT LOSE SIGHT OF WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO. I CAN ONLY PRAY THAT THEY DO NOT STOP HAVING FAITH IN ME, THAT THEY CONTINUE TO BELIEVE IN WHAT I DO AND WHO I AM.
THIS MAYBE THE FINAL ATTEMPT FOR ME AT TRUE HAPPINESS BECAUSE HONESTLY I AM TIRED AND WITH THE ENERGY THAT I SHALL EXPEND AND THE SACRIFICE I AM WILLING TO MAKE THIS TIME IF I DO NOT SUCCEED IT WILL MATTER NOT FOR I SHALL NO LONGER EXIST.
