THE GIFT

SO IT IS A GIFT THAT THOU DOTH DESIRE,

ONE THAT CLEANSES, MAYBE IT SHOULD BE OF FIRE.

I SHALL HAVE TO SIT AND PONDER ON THIS FOR A TIME,

AND AS I DO SHALL UNFOLD THE RHYME.

WITH EACH PASSING DAY I’VE MANAGED TO SAVE,

ALL MY BITS OF LUCIDITY FROM WHICH SOMETHING SPECIAL SHALL BE MADE.

I CAREFULLY TAKE EACH ONE BY ONE,

WRAPPING TIGHTLY WITH DETERMINATION THE TAPESTRY BEGINS TO BE SPUN.

AS THE WEAVE CONTINUES I ADD A BLESSING OR TWO AS WELL,

I ALSO ADD A STRAND OR TWO OF WISDOM AS YOU CAN TELL.

GENTLE BUT FIRM THE KNOTS FALL INTO PLACE,

A MASTERPIECE OF PRECISION TO BRING A SMILE TO THY FACE.

LONG HAVE I HAD THE DESIRE, THE FIRE TO COMMIT TO THIS CREATION,

BUT THE TIME MUST BE PERFECT AND WITHOUT FRUSTRATION.

NOW AS ANOTHER STITCH I DO LAY,

I ADD BRIGHTNESS LIKE YOU FIND ON A LOVELY SUMMER DAY.

HOPING UPON COMPLETION THE ART IS OF USE,

GIVEN IN PERFECT LOVE AND TRUST, FREE FROM ABUSE.

NEARING THE END OR IS IT THE BEGINNING I SWIFTLY GLIDE,

WITH CREATIVE JUICES FLOWING THE ODDS STACK ON MY SIDE.

SO NOW WOVEN I NOW MUST CREATE A FRAME,

ONE THAT IS STRONG, FLAWLESS AND LASTING WITHOUT BLAME.

TOGETHER ALL THE PIECES A WHOLE IS MADE,

ALL UNIVERSAL LAWS HAVE BEEN CAREFULLY OBEYED.

THE FINAL INGREDIENT TO ADD SHALL BE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE,

SO EVERY TIME YOU GAZE UPON THIS WORK YOU’LL KNOW IT WAS ORDAINED FROM ABOVE.

I LEAVE YOU NOW WITH MEMORIES ADRIFT,

HOPEFULLY YOU WILL CHERISH MY LITTLE GIFT.

AJ         10.01.09

PRAYER TO THE GODS

IT'S NOT EASY WHEN YOU FIND WHAT YOU BEEN SEEKING FOR YEARS,

WHEN JOY REPLACES THE FEARS AND THE TEARS.

I WOULD HAVE NEVER DREAMED IT WOULD HAPPEN FOR ME,

MY HEART IS FULL AND MY SPIRIT ONCE AGAIN IS FREE.

FINDING WORDS TO EXPRESS THE FEELINGS WILL TAKE TIME,

BUT UNTIL THEY READILY COME I WILL TRY WITH RHYME.

TIS LONG AND HARD DAY I FACE,

WHEN I CANNOT BE BLESSED DAILY BY HER GRACE.

I AWAKE WITH A LONGING THAT DOES NOT FADE,

THEN AS SOON AS I HEAR FROM HER I FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE EVER BEEN MADE.

THE GODS I THINK HAVE ONCE AGAIN HEARD MY CRY,

WITHOUT THIS ONE IN MY LIFE I WOULD SURELY DIE.

FEELINGS AEONS OLD WELL UP INSIDE MY HEART,

HOPE IS IT THAT WE EVER DID PART.

I SAY THIS ONLY BECAUSE I SURELY KNOW,

WE WERE ONCE ONE SO VERY LONG AGO.

I AM NOW CHARGED WITH A HONORABLE TASK TO FULFILL,

I MUST BECOME WORTHY ENOUGH AGAIN TO FILL THIS BILL.

TO PROVIDE AND PROTECT FOR EVER MORE,

TO HOLD, LOVE AND CHERISH FOR SURE.

I ONLY WANT TO BE ALL SHE DOTH DESIRE,

SO THAT NOTHING CAN EVER QUENCH OUR FIRE.

HERE ME GODS AND GODDESSES, HEAR MY PLEA,

I BESEECH YOU NOW ON BENDED KNEE.

BLESS MY LOVE AND I, KEEP US SAFE FOREVER MORE,

BLESS OUR LOVE WHICH IS STRONG AND PURE.

MAY WE LOOK UPON EACH AND EVERY DAY,

KNOWING THAT WE SHALL FIND OUR WAY.

HERE BEFORE GODS AND MAN, I DEDICATE MY LOVE TO THEE,

I SHALL BECOME WORTHY OF YOUR LOVE FOR ME. 

THINKING HARD

IT IS TIMES LIKE THESE THAT I FEEL THE FULL BRUNT OF PAST FAILURES, WHETHER THEY ARE MINE OR NOT THE OUTCOME IS THE SAME ...SUFFERING.

MY LIFE HAS BEEN FILLED WITH PAIN AND THE ENDURANCE OF SUCH IN A QUEST FOR A BETTER FUTURE. THUS FAR EVERY AVENUE AT FIRST SHOWED PROMISE AND JUST WHEN MY HOPES WERE UP THEY WERE DASHED AGAINST THE ROCKS LIKE SO MUCH DEBRIS.

OVER THE LAST YEAR I HAVE EXPERIENCED DOUBT, SADNESS, AND AN OVERWHELMING SENSE OF LOSS. I'VE BEEN ALONE...NOT ONLY PHYSICALLY BUT EMOTIONALLY AS WELL.
I FOUND MYSELF LONGING FOR A REAL FRIEND, A REAL LOVER AND A REAL COMPANION. ONE THAT WOULD LAST AND NOT DISAPPEAR AT THE FIRST SIGN OF TROUBLE, ONE THAT COULD ACCEPT ME FOR WHO AND WHAT I AM AND WHAT I AM BECOMING.

EACH TIME FATE, OR MAYBE IT'S JUST SOME FLAW WITHIN MYSELF THAT KEEPS ME FROM FINDING TRUE PEACE OR SUCCESS. I WONDER HOW MUCH MORE I CAN  ENDURE BEFORE I SLIP BENEATH THE DARK WATERS OF DESPAIR AND NEVER SURFACE.

I KNOW  TRUTH, I KNOW HONOR, I KNOW SACRIFICE, AND I NO LONGER HAVE GREAT EXPECTATIONS. I WILL CONTINUE TO DO THE BEST THAT I CAN AND HOPE THAT THOSE I TRULY CARE FOR CAN SEE THAT IN ME AND NOT LOSE SIGHT OF WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO. I CAN ONLY PRAY THAT THEY DO NOT STOP HAVING FAITH IN ME, THAT THEY CONTINUE TO BELIEVE IN WHAT I DO AND WHO I AM.

THIS MAYBE THE FINAL ATTEMPT FOR ME AT TRUE HAPPINESS BECAUSE HONESTLY I AM TIRED AND WITH THE ENERGY THAT I SHALL EXPEND AND THE SACRIFICE I AM WILLING TO MAKE THIS TIME IF I DO NOT SUCCEED IT WILL MATTER NOT FOR I SHALL NO LONGER EXIST.

Just remember

Yet another day...wet, dark, chill,
Pondering thoughts of how I feel.
Memories of future-past go by in a flash,
Dust to dust, ash to ash.
Winds howl as the sun blinks in time,
Hidden below from prying eyes wrapped in a rhyme.
Sound...the sound of technology at work in the bachground,
Holding many secrets profound.
Advice and justice go hand in hand,
Time has no meaning without the drifting sand.
Another level gained,
Tis spoken and ordained.